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time and I miss you. Do you hate me so much that we cant ever be friends again?"
She didnt reply right away, but then I saw a tear gathering in a corner of her eye and knew I had chance, no matter how slim it might be. "Im sorry you feel that way, Danni. I guess theres no point of hoping that we...I mean..."
Her head snapped up, and she turned to face me, the crystal drop of tear visible on her cheek.
"That we what, Samantha? Dont you think I miss you too? Ive wanted to talk to you but I didnt know what to say, or how to say it so I kept my feelings to myself."
"Are you angry with me?" I asked. "Im sorry if I pushed too hard or too fast, but Im not ashamed of what we almost did and you shouldnt be either."
"Im not angry, Samantha" she stated. "I was for a while but Im not now. I guess I was just as angry at myself as I was at you, and I was terribly ashamed, but Im not any more"
I didnt reply, I just sat there eating my salad, hoping she would continue on her own.
"Sam, I just dont know who I am any more. Every time I think I do, I get all funny inside and go back to being the old me again. I guess its safer there. Have you...I mean..you know.?"
"Yes, Danni, I have and I am who I am. I make no apologies for it any more. I dont go around waving a flag or announcing it over the intercom, but Ive accepted the fact that Im a lesbian, or at the very least, bi-sexual, with a strong tendency toward the kind of love that only a woman can give me."
She sat there for a minute, gazing off into space. "I tried a couple of times to find someone who I could trust, someone that I felt something for, but I dont know how to approach someone and the one woman that came on to me scared me away. Ive been trying to find a way to talk to you about it but I dont even know how to talk to you. Im sorry I turned away from you. I just got scared and then the phone rang and it was like a warning bell. Am I making any sense at all?"
"Of course you are, Danni. Dont you think Ive gone through a lot of the same things? We all do and sometimes we dont handle it very well. I slept with a few women but it was kind of like, oh well, that was fun and that was it. I wanted more than that."
"Did you find someone?" she asked.
"Not exactly." I replied, "but this isnt the time or place to talk about it. Is there somewhere we can talk about it later?" When she hesitated, I realized that I needed to get her to some neutral
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territory. "You can choose the spot and the time, Danni, just dont make it where we can be overheard."
"We cant meet at my place," she announced. "Old lady Carmichael has her ear against my wall more often than not. You might as well broadcast anything we say on the BBC."
I laughed, grateful that she still had her sense of humor, something I really had missed. "You can come to my place, or we can go to a park somewhere, or something like that."
"Id like to come to your place but..."
"Danni, Im not going to rape your or anything like that but I do have some information you might want and maybe some answers to questions I know you have. We can leave the door open if you want, or go sit in the garden. The flowers are getting so beautiful now. When would you like to get together?"
"Tonight," she replied, surprising me. "Ill pick up some Chinese if thats all right?"
"Thats great. Would you prefer iced tea, or wine, or what?"
"Iced tea would be great, with lots of ice. This heat is making my head hurt."
"Iced tea it is. Whenever you get there. Im just going to be working on a project I took on so just come on in and yell. Ill probably be in the living room where its the coolest."
When I stood up to return to work, she walked along with me and suddenly pulled me around the corner of the deli, into a sheltered area used for unloading, where she took me in her arms and hugged me.Thank you, Samantha. Ive missed you so much."
I put a soft kiss on her cheek. "Im back, Danni." I replied.
After work, I picked up some flowers for the house and some for her, and a card that simply said, "Ive missed your friendship." When I got home, I lit some candles in the bedroom and bathroom, and spread some rose petals around the tub. The beautiful tangerine colored carnations were placed in a vase on my dresser, and the mixed colors were put in a lovely ivory vase on the entertainment center. Once I was sure that my house was in order, I spread out the contents of the folders on the kitchen table and poured my self some wine.
About an hour later, I was making some notes about some of the prospects that I wanted to discuss with the women on the training team when I heard her footsteps on the porch. "Showtime," I whispered to myself.
"Youre home is lovely, Samantha," I heard her say, as she came into the kitchen. "Ive got some Chinese. Just an assortment because I didnt know what you liked."
I got up and went to embrace her, kissing her on her cheek. "I got you something," I said, as I got the flowers from the counter. I handed her the card first and I thought sure she was going to cry but she didnt, at least I didnt see her if
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