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seemed to relax a little.
"How do you know?" We continued to walk to school as I answered her.
"Difficult to answer really, it just snuck up on me one day. Puberty hit me later than normal, but when it did I bloomed quickly. When I was younger I started looking at girls and wondering why I was so late, and then when my breasts started growing, I wondered how big they would get and how they compared to other girls. Then I waited for my hormones to kick in and to which boy I would like and maybe date. I did not have friends as you know, but I did listen to some of the girls talking in the classroom and changing rooms during P.E. They all seemed to be talking about boys constantly, and I just never saw the appeal. I thought that there was something wrong with me, because I had developed late, maybe I would not like boys for a while yet. So I started to look on the internet for answers. I even found pictures of naked men and a few sex videos. In the videos I tried to watch the men and check out there bodies, but my attention always turned towards the women they were with. During that time I suddenly realised that I was always looking at other girls, nothing dirty like when they were naked, but just around school. It was then that I realised that I liked girls, just one day the thought popped in my head. That was about a year ago, since then I have been on the internet studying everything about what I was feeling, and once I discovered the term gay and lesbian, I researched a lot, reading peoples testimonies about how they discovered they were gay and also how they had to act, how some were beaten up, some people have even committed suicide. But over the year I have been preparing myself for the future and that I liked females and not males like normal girls, and when I was finally ready I told my family."
"So do you like me, you know like fancy me?"
"Honestly, no, you are pretty but I have a very specific type and you dont fit the bill."
"So what is your type?" I had tried to be as non-specific as I could without telling her that I was with Amy, but now I either told her or lied. I had to lie, no matter what, I promised Amy, that until school ended for me, the fact we had a relationship would never be known. Even though I hated lying, I had promised Amy I would do everything I could to keep it secret till then, for us.
"It is hard to describe. So I cant answer that question. Sorry."
"No, dont be, silly question really, I guess I am intrigued. I know what being gay is, my uncle is gay, but my mum doesnt talk to him, even though it is her brother. I
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have seen him a few times, mum told me to stay away from him because he was evil. But you know what I think about what my mum tell me, in one ear and out the other. Anything she says is a lie. So I am happy you were able to trust me, because I know how people can react to that sort of information. I guess I can understand why you were afraid to tell me. But thank you for telling me, it shows great trust." And just to emphasise that she pulled me into a hug, and then I cried. I was so scared about how people outside my family would react to the fact I was a lesbian, especially other women. It was so wonderful for Melissa to accept me, knowing she accepted her own views rather than a mothers showed she spoke her on own mind, following her own path and making choices for herself, I was proud of her.
"Thank you." And we continued to school.
"So other girls talk about boys, I spend most of my time in the library, I like quiet. But maybe I should try and get involved with the dating scene."
"If I learnt anything in the last week since I told my family, it is that through all the years of not having friends and researching on the internet, I missed out on socialising, and even though it is unlikely that I will go out and date for some years, I think you should start to look around, see what takes your fancy, maybe we could go out sometime to the shopping centre, a nightclub or other places where people our own age meet up."
"But wouldnt that be weird to hang around with men you did not like, and women who probably are not like you?"
"Not really, I know what I want, and I am quite happy to wait until it happens. But until then, I think we both need to get out there and see what there is on offer. I could always say no or could even fake date some guy for the experience, and you might find someone you like. It will be good for both of us, to get involved with people, have fun, before we miss out and everything suddenly becomes more serious."
"You would be willing to do that for me?"
"Yes, but not just for you, for us. Plus remember, together we can watch each others backs, because I do not really trust men, and I have heard men are only interested in sex. But I also suppose that we are old enough to make our own choices, and we are at that age where we need to experiment, until we find something more permanent."
"I guess we should, but we will have to be careful. I agree we need to see whats out there, get out of the house and even make new friends. But you will always be my best friend, no matter what, and your
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