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and sleek, my shoulders and arms, like my legs are toned with exquisite muscle definition and femininity. Yes, God has definitely been good to me. Now, if I sound vain and very wrapped up in myself, then I apologize. But after what Ive been through, I think I have a right, and a need, to know that I am still attractive and desirable.
Prior to Geralds coming out party, in a matter of speaking, I had never really given any thought to homosexuality at all. Id never known anyone who was gay and if I did, I certainly didnt know it or even care about it. I know that it is said that every woman often thinks about what it would be like to be with another woman sexually, but that thought had never occurred to me. Sure, I had always been comfortable admiring other womens beauty, as most women are. But when Gerald told me he was gay, that wasnt really the bone crushing blow, if you can believe it. Sure it was shocking, but the truth of the matter was: I still loved him. This man had been the love of my life and the father of my children. He had provided a beautiful home and a wonderful life for nearly twenty-three years. How was I going to live without him? What would the kids think and how would the live with it? Well, when youre dealing with true love, you often ignore those little details. And the kids, needless to say, were equally shocked...and sickened. Gerald, Jr. has for the most part, completely disowned his father with the seemingly greatest of ease. Monica and Whitney, on the other hand, are Daddys little girls. It has been very hard on them. Their father has been their hero and their champion their entire lives. They love him dearly and just cant believe what is happening. But they are coping, and I have been trying to soften my sons heart as best a mother can. It is definitely not an easy task. But one thing the three of them are all agreed upon is this: How could he do this to me? They all have stood completely behind me through the divorce proceedings and the girls in particular have walked me through some pretty rough nights of sobbing and whaling. That is why the next part of my story is going to be so difficult to tell.
For a child to learn after many years that one of their parents is gay has got to be devastating. I cannot even begin to fathom the psychological trauma, uncertainty and identity confusion that it brings into their young lives. But what if after learning that their father is gay, they are about to learn that their mother is gay also?
Here we go...
I was attending my usual aerobics class on Tuesday evening. It had been nearly eleven months since I learned the Gerald was gay and it is now been almost three
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months since our divorce was final. The class was unusually small that night, only four of us and the instructor was Sherry. Ive known Sherry for what seems like forever and she is a dear friend. Sherry is thirty-seven and her daughter Michelle is a year younger than Whitney and the two of them have been friends since pre-school. As the girls grew up, Sherry and I took turns babysitting, changing diapers, hosting slumber parties, hosting birthday parties, first dates, prom nights and now, one graduation with Michelles coming in June. Sherry is about three inches shorter than me and OH MY GOD is she built to please. If you think God spent a little overtime creating me, he must have earned time and a half when he put Sherry together. Sherry and her husband Carl had divorced when Michelle was two. They had married very young, for Sherry was only nineteen when Michelle was born. After Carl left, Sherry struggled for many years, working day and night to provide for herself and Michelle. Finally she was able to save enough money to put her self through school, earning a Masters Degree in Physical Education when she was thirty. A few years later, her father passed away and left her a sizable inheritance which she used to open her own health and fitness club. Strangely, Sherry had never remarried and she never seemed interesting in dating. I never really gave it much thought and it certainly never occurred to me that she might be a lesbian. When I thought of lesbians, I usually pictured them to be buzzed cut, muscle-bound, Harley riding dikes. Sherry was everything a woman was created to be and more. She was in every aspect, a true lady. It just never entered my mind.
The class had been far more strenuous and athletic than I was accustomed to, but that was fine with me for I had a lot of excess energy to burn off tonight. Sherry seemed to be beaming tonight and for some reason that I couldnt explain, I couldnt keep my eyes off her. She looked absolutely stunning. Instead of her usual black spandex pants, she wore see-through spandex pants that accentuated her gorgeous legs, her perfectly round hips and showed off her beautiful tan skin. And instead of her usual loose fitting turquoise muscle shirt, she wore what looked like a one piece, blue bathing suit. Her jet back long hair was pulled back into a ponytail.
As the hour long class came to a close, we all lay down on the floor and began our cool down. Then Sherry, as she usually does, turned down the lights in the room to a very soft dim glow and then she came around to each one of us to check our pulse rate and muscle response as we lay on the floor. During this time, I usually close my eyes and just focus on my breathing. Finally, after checking the other three ladies in
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