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and seemed to have a lot of typical guy attitudes about gays, but I didnt want to chance it.
Allyson and Bretlynn knew for sure, and both of them were nothing but happy for us. The four of us continued to go out on a regular basis and Bretlynn even joked that we were her guy magnets. Allyson told us that her boyfriend wanted to go on a double date with us and then wanted to see us try and seduce her. I mischievously told her that might try that anyway, but he couldnt watch.
In the back of my mind, I didnt want to rush McKayla. She gradually became my best friend in addition to being my lover. She handled everything better than I expected. On a couple of occasions, she warned me that sometimes she pushed those around her away, but I never got that feeling from her.
Life was good until one day, our relationship changed.
I got back to my apartment before she did. Even though she worked right next door to me, we often drove separately because she had lots of meetings with clients or had to go to the main branch or had some other reason not to carpool. Plus, riding to work together all the time would have been rather obvious.
Sitting on the couch, I tried to figure out the best way to break the news to her.
A little after 5:00, she came through the door and set her briefcase down on the end table like she usually did.
"Whats wrong?" McKayla asked, seeing me there fidgeting.
Nearly in tears, I couldnt bring myself to speak. Then she noticed a couple of boxes on the floor next to me. I had put all of her things in the boxes, figuring that she would leave me.
Her face paled, the blood draining out. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"No!" I exclaimed. Breaking up was the last thing I wanted. "No . . . its not that . . ."
"What is it, sweetie?" she sat down next to me and took my trembling hands.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. "I went to the doctor today. You know where I havent been feeling well lately . . ."
There was a medical report folded up on my lap. I handed it to her.
My voice was hoarse with fear. "Im pregnant."
"What? . . . How? . . . Who?" On her face, I could see a range of emotions. Anger. Disbelief. Betrayal. Hurt.
"Travis," I whispered. "Hes the only one it could be."
Her lip curled up and I saw her bite back a stinging reply. Her fingers clenched around the paper. Her knuckles turned white.
"When?" I expected her to explode and call me every name in the book. It was no less than I deserved.
"Right before my birthday," I had done the math and there was only one occasion when I could have gotten knocked up. "We used a condom, but I guess it broke or something."
She got up
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and started pacing around my living room. I could see the indecision in her eyes as the gears turned in her head.
"Have you told him?" McKayla asked. Her voice was curt, but I expected that.
I shook my head.
"What are you going to do?"
"I dont know," I said quietly. All of this was information overload for me, too. "I missed my period last month. But thats not unusual. When I missed this month, I went out and got one of those home pregnancy tests. It came up positive so I went to the doctors today. Its too late for the morning after pill. I can either have the baby or get an abortion."
"You cant have an abortion," McKayla said suddenly. Not that it was her decision to make, but I knew thats not something she would not even put into the mix.
"What are you going to do?" I dared to ask, the tears coming to my eyes. I expected her to be pissed off and storm out. Thats why I gathered up her things. Our relationship had been going so well, but I couldnt ask her to stay with me. Not like this.
She didnt reply immediately. She chewed on her lip nervously. All I could do was hope for the best.
"So this didnt happen after our first date?"
"No, sweetheart." That was my one hope to keep our relationship alive. "I swear to you . . . I havent even spoken to him since you and I went out that first time."
It seemed like an eternity before she moved. McKayla surprised me by turning and heading back into my bedroom. I started to get up off the couch.
"Your stuff is all—" I called, but she was ignoring me.
I heard her throwing some things around. Not angrily, but like she was looking for something. A few minutes later, she came back out. Some of my clothes were stuffed into a duffel bag over her shoulder along with a kit of makeup and some other things.
She dropped the bag on the floor next to the boxes I had packed up.
Then she reached for me. I burst into tears as her embrace enveloped me. All the days emotions came pouring out. Confusion. Helplessness. Bewilderment.
I thought my life had been going pretty well lately. I had a good job, a steady relationship and new friends in a strange town. But now . . . now things were different. I was going to be a mommy. And I wasnt sure how my girlfriend was going to take the news.
It seems I need not have worried.
McKaylas arms steadied me as I sobbed. "Im sorry, baby . . . Im so sorry . . . I didnt mean for this to happen."
"I know," she whispered over and over in my ear. "Its okay . . . Everything is going to be alright."
Eventually, the crying fit was over. I still struggled for breath, but now that it was done, I began to think a little more clearly.
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