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my scholarships this year. You can have it, Candice." It was the first time that Id ever called her that.
She looked up at me, and I could see she was crying. "My husbands been unfaithful!" was all she said. She broke into heavy sobs and blew her nose from the box of Kleenex on her desk.
"I know."
That stopped her like a fist in the stomach. "You do?"
I nodded, "That sorority bitch, Cantrell. I cant understand it, Candice, and Im sorry, thats all I can say. The man must be out of his mind!"
She was frozen, and when words came out, it was in a dull monotone, "He was arrested for propositioning an undercover police officer that was pretending to be a prostitute. I kicked him out of my house. I dont know anything about any Cantrell person."
I gulped and turned as red as an embarrassed fire hydrant. My big mouth! I jumped up and tried to run, but a voice like a pistol shot, a voice not to be disobeyed, cracked, "Stop!" With a sigh of mortal dread, I sank back into my chair. Now, it was I, hiding my face in my hands.
She spoke slowly, each word a dagger into my heart, "Who is this sorority bitch Cantrell? How many people know about this?"
Tears sprang through my fingers, Id never been so miserable. I didnt want to tell her this shit. Shed hate me forever! But the worse part was, I hurt for her, maybe even as much as she did. God! I loved that woman. Id come to realize just how gentle she had been with me, down to and including the remark about her pubic hair. Shed been telling me, jack off if you want to, but I cant give you more than a mental picture to do it with. And I had used it, too, more than once.
I guess she finally noticed that I was bawling harder than she was, because her voice softened, "Okay, calm down, Kathy, and tell me about it." So, snot running down my face, I did. She handed me some Kleenex and asked me, "Did you know about this when we had our little scene here in the office?"
I shook my head, "No, but I found out later that day. And I dont know how many people know about it, but I heard about it from a friend who is in Marys sorority, so I guess at least a few people there know."
"Why didnt you come to me?" She asked, but that started me crying again. She tried to calm me.
I laughed, and then I sobbed, "I dont know what-whats the matter with me, Ms. Folsom. I guess that Ive been under more stress than I thought."
"Why didnt you come to me?" She asked again, but more gently.
So I tried to explain the mess to her, about how I hurt for her, about how I didnt want to hurt her and, "I guess I was selfish, too. I was afraid
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that youd hold it against me for telling you. I know you dont want to sleep with me anyway, but I couldnt bare the thought of your hating me. Selfish, selfish, selfish! Im really, really, sorry!" I wasnt sure what I was apologizing for, but I was sincere as I could be, and at least, she seemed to know it. "I realize now that I was just being a selfish little bitch, and I am so sorry, Candice!"
"Youre being honest, Kathy. And right now, that means more to me than you can guess." I looked up at her, but she was looking out the window. She went on, "Im going away for a few days. Ive arranged for a substitute until I get back. Well talk again." My momma didnt raise no dummies; I was being dismissed again. I rose slowly and opened the door. She didnt say another word. Didnt turn around. I left. And for the next few days, Sheila caught holy hell and loved every minute of it. Poor Sheila or lucky Sheila, however one wishes to look at it. She only wanted to be normal, but only abnormal people want to be normal. Normal people want to be abnormal. The sun crosses the sky, night comes, winds blow, cows shit where they stand and then step in it, and all people are fucked up to one degree or another. Thats reality!
She was back in the middle of the next week, looking her normal, irresistibly gorgeous, ice-goddess self. At the end of class, she said, "Ms. Patterson, could you come to my office?" A few people shot me sympathetic glances, figuring that I was in trouble. I figured they were right. Not only Id been the one to tell her about Mary Cantrell, but also she was probably mad at me for not telling her sooner. I was damned any way you looked at it. I climbed the stairs to her office slowly, giving her time to get there first. I knew how hanged men felt, marching to the gallows.
I sat down, and she spoke, "Maybe youd better lock the door."
Was she going to murder me, or what? I got up and locked the door. "Kathy, I was a virgin when I got married. Do you understand that?" I guess my dimwitted facial expression was answer enough, "No? Well, let me put it this way then; Although, Im nearly ten years older than you, Im not a woman of experience." Im sure my face was still as blank as my brain. Surely this was not how a murderer proceeded, but then how could we know? The victims are always too dead to testify.
She sighed, took her glasses off and leaned back in her chair, "I dont know how to do this, Kathy! Would you help me?"
"Candice," I said slowly, "I know that you have to put your life back together and go on. Ill help any way that I can." I must have said the right thing,
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